Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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