Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
