McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
