So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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