I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize