I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
