It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
