i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
should my penis look like a turkey
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
