The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I want a musical about memes.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
