I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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