okay pat passed out under dana's car
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
We smell like vodka and hangover
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
