Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
