I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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