somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
