Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
