i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
