evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
