The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
