if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
