Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
