just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize