Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Randomize
