I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
