you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
