Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
