whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
