I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i would punch a child for taco bell
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
You're like the curious george of whores
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
