pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
