just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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