I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
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