Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
someone owes me an orgasm
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Randomize
