I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
