Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Randomize
