So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
you inspire me to be a worse person
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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