Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
