Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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