6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
