i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
