I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
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