i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize