I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
