im having a threesome with these popsicles
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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