Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Randomize
