Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
