Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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