apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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