Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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