I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Randomize
