I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
