I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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