When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
When are your genitals available?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
