remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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