I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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