I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize