Define "chronic" masturbator.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
