I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
foreskin is a definite game changer
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
