I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
