It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
