i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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