I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
