I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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