So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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