I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
