Sorry, I don't speak sober.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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