party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
