i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
