Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
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