I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
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