One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
