Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
