I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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