sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
