I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize