Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize