My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
