she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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