dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
