i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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