Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize