I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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